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Blonde Jokes
Animal Jokes
Knock Knock Jokes
| Blonde Jokes
Q: Why
are brunette jokes so short?
A: So blondes can remember them. |
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Q: What
do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: You pick it up pull the pin & throw it back. |
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Q: What
happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. |
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Q: Why
don't blonds play frisbee?
A: It hurts their teeth. |
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Q: What
do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted! |
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Q: How
do blonde brain cells die ?
A: Alone. |
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Q: Why
don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zip to open them. |
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Q: How
did the blonde try to kill the fish?
A: She tried to drown it. |
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| A brunette and a blonde had been friends for 10 years
and it was the brunettes 40th birthday, so the blonde asked the brunette
what she would like for her birthday. 'I would love to been ten again'
she said, so the blonde took her to Alton Towers and then to MacDonald's
and then to the cinema and then to pizza hut. 'What did you think of
that?' the blonde said. 'I meant size ten! Not to be ten again!!!
Thanks to: David Neal |
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Q. why
did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?
A. because she heard the drinks were on the house |
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A brunette
woman goes into the dr.'s office.
She tells the Dr. : "It hurts all over my body."
He says: "point to where it hurts".
She points to her shoulder and yells "OUCH!". She then points to her hip
and yells "OUCH!". Finally she points to her knee and screams in pain
"OUCH!!!".
The Dr. asks her "Are you a true blonde and dyed your hair brown?"
She says: "yes, how did you know"?
He answers: "YOU HAVE A BROKEN FINGER!!!". |
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Two
blondes walk in to a bar
OUCH!!
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A blonde
suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her.
She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and
sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, now she's angry!
She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!"
"Shut up," she says, "You're next." |
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a ghost,
Frankenstein, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde were all walking down the
street when they all spotted a 100$ dollar bill.
Who do you think got it?
No one because the first three don't exist and the dumb blonde thought
it was a gum wrapper. |
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There is
a blonde, a redhead and a brunette on the stairway to heaven.
God says, "There are 3,000 steps and I'll tell you a joke on each
1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."
So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a
joke, the brunette laughs and goes to hell.
Then on the 2,000th step God tells a joke, the redhead laughs and goes
to hell.
On the 3,000th step God tells a joke, the blonde doesn't laugh and
proceeds to the gate.
Suddenly, she bursts out laughing. God asks, "what are you laughing
about?", so she replies, "I just got the first joke!". |
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| A Brunette, a redhead and a blonde go for a trek.
they find a piranha invested river that they need to get across they
found a genie that gives them one wish each...'I wish I was twice as
clever' said the blonde and turned in to a redhead... she then swung
across on a vine. 'I wish I was 50% cleverer' said the redhead and
turned into a brunette...she then cut down a tree and walked across it.
'I wish I was 200% cleverer' said then brunette, she then turned into a
Man and walked a cross the bridge that was 10ft away. |
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Two
telephone company crews were putting up telephone poles. At the end
of the day, the company foreman asked the first crew how many poles they
had put in the ground. "Fifteen" was the answer.
"Not bad, not bad at all," the foreman said.
Turning to the blonde crew he asked how many they had put in. "Four" was
the answer.
"Four?" the foreman yelled. "The others did fifteen, and you only did
four?"
"Yes," replied the leader of the blonde group, "But go look at how much
they
left sticking out of the ground." |
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| Animal Jokes
Q: Why did the chicken
cross the road?
A: To show the armadillo that it was possible. |
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Q: Why did the chicken cross
the road twice?
A: Because it was a double-crosser. |
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Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken
cross the road?
A: To take over the other side. |
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Q: Why did the chicken cross
the playground?
A: To get to the other slide. |
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Q: Why did the chicken cross
the beach?
A: To get to the other tide. |
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Q: Why did the dinosaur cross
the road?
A: Chickens hadn't evolved yet. |
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Recently, the Psychic Hotline
and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is
the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to
meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," says the psychic. "Next tomorrow in her biology class." |
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Two vampire bats wake up in
the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of
the cave and get some blood."
"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know
where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."
The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood
somewhere." He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into
the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't." |
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A man walks into a bar one day
and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"
"Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?"
"Well, I think my Chihuahua just killed him..."
"What are you talking' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How
could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"
"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"
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Knock, Knock Jokes
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Aardvark!
Aardvark who?
Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smiles! |
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Abbott!
Abbott who?
Abbott time you answered the door! |
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Adder!
Adder who?
Adder burger for lunch! |
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Delia!
Delia who?
Delia the cards and we'll play snap! |
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Igloo!
Igloo who?
Igloo knew Suzie like I know Suzie...! |
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ike!
Ike who?
Ike-n't stop laughing! |
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Tuna!
Tuna who?
Tuna piano and it'll sound better! |
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Stella!
Stella who?
Stella want to go home! |
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Stepfather!
Step father who?
One stepfather and I'll let you have it! |
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Rufus!
Rufus who?
Rufus leaking and I'm getting wet! |
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Russia!
Russia who?
Russia though you meal and you'll be sick! |
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